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Editorial: Romania’s March for Life 2014 – “Adoption, The Noble Choice“


  by Alexandra Nadane

I. What have we done in a year?

In the first issue of our magazine, I wrote about the change brought in my life by a young woman who was going through a pregnancy crisis. I met her when I was 16. Her pro-life choice, the way things happened and the fact that now she has a family with three kids made me aware that support for mothers, children and family is one of the most important forms of social responsibility. This is how Studenţi pentru Viaţă came into being, this is how I met my colleagues, this is how dear friends who wanted to get involved joined us, and together we’ve tried to offer love, encouraging and support to young women in crisis situations.

A year has passed and I feel emotional writing about all that happened. We have witnessed extraordinary things, especially as we solved some problems by making the impossible happen. This is how I’ve noticed that, when you are ready to make a sacrifice, to get out of the comfort zone, God makes miracles. This is true of all the people who contributed – even just a little – to this effort which goes far beyond our powers. We are deeply grateful to each and every person who helped us, especially to those who did this in the most secret and discreet way.

II. What have we understood in a year?

The responsibility of organizing the March for Life in Bucharest and coordinate all data on its sister events nation-wide is a real test – not as much for our organizational abilities as for our souls.

This time we’ve turned to the parents. We’ve also listened to children. We knew about those who uttered a silent scream. Now we’ve hear those who tell about the difficulties of a child who appears unexpectedly in his or her parent’s life.

“In school they pointed fingers on us (they called us “the foster kids“), we were offended, derided, humiliated, torn apart by sharp words. We were outcasts… In our prayers we only asked for parents, not for toy. We begged for a smile. We were begging for love!“, a mother of four now writes about her childhood before being adopted.

“I was crying, but, when Mom first took me in her arms, a divine connection appeared – I grew quiet and she fell in love with me“, tells us an adopted daughter about her first meeting with her new mother.

“Who doesn’t love children, who is not able to give love, who cannot sacrifice himself for others, who cannot forget about oneself should not adopt a child! Adopting a child does not only mean changing an unhappy destiny, it also means fulfilling one’s life“, wrote a mother who adopted two children.

You will read these testimonies in this magazine. They have shown us an ascending path. What lies at the top of it is most aptly described by the last gestures of the orthodox religious service held for adoption: “The adopted kneels before the adopting parent, who raises him, saying: ′Thou art my Son; this day have I begotten thee′ (Ps. 2, 7), and embraces him while the priest gives his blessings“. New life buds, new people in a new family grow of what might have been the ashes of certain lives. There’s no better definition for nobleness.

III. What do we want for the future?

Romania can and must build the future of its most vulnerable children through policies adapted to reality and internationally tested. We need the Romanian adoption law to provide for real solutions to common situations. For example, we need to legalize starting the adoption process during pregnancy. This will greatly reduce abandonment and infant death and, according to statistics from other countries, where this practice is quite successful for years, will offer to many children the chance to enjoy the loving care of real family – which is the only environment that can give them wings to become accomplished people.

Talk to your family, to your friends, to the lawmakers. Tell them why adoption is always the noble choice.

And some practical advice. In Romania, to adopt, you have to follow first the Course for acquiring the abilities of an adoptive parent. Follow it, who knows when a child will cry after you, naming you “father“ or “mother“!

Photo: Diana Cristescu


I’ve Become Pro-Life As Soon As I Gave Birth


In some states, the adoption process can be started from pregnancy. This helps children avoid staying for years in foster care homes, which can psychologically harm them. It also helps mothers who cannot provide for their children avoid the enormous stress caused by uncertainty related to their child’s and their own future. The American and Australian practice have shown the efficiency of this approach, which could greatly benefit Romanian children.

I am pro-life, but I used to be pro-choice. I once believed that if you did not want to take care of a baby, you didn’t have to.

I thought it was fine to “erase” your mistake and not have to worry about it.

It’s called being pro-choice: the woman’s choice to give life or not.

I could not have been more wrong. I am a living testimony of being pro-life. I went through the life-changing experience of putting my daughter up for adoption.

You see, I found out I was already two months pregnant on April 7, 2012. I had no emotions when I saw that plus sign on the pregnancy test. There was neither shock nor shame. I was just another seventeen-year-old pregnant girl. My boyfriend Michael and I researched all the possibilities there were to try to figure out what we should do.

Yes, we thought of aborting our child, but there was a feeling in my heart I can’t describe that made me say “no” to abortion. I knew I would not have been able to go through with it. I was the one who got pregnant. I was the one who made the mistake, not my child. I had to take responsibility for my actions, and aborting my little miracle was not taking responsibility; it was getting rid of “it”, taking the easy way out.

Michael and I went to Newlife, which is an agency that offers open adoption between birth and adoptive parents. We met a very caring social worker named Caitlyn, who helped Michael and I decide if we were going to keep our child or put her up for adoption. She had us write down the pros and cons of both parenting and adopting.

We realized that we were not ready to parent and we didn’t have the finances or the time. We were not going to be able to give our daughter the life she deserved, which is why we made the choice to put her up for adoption.

I wanted a family who biologically could not bear children of their own because I wanted to share that special bond with them of having their first child also be our first child.

For nine months I could have changed my mind and decided to be her parent, but I didn’t. We chose the family a mere few days after they sent in their home study. It was fate that my daughter was placed in the arms of such a loving family.

The adoptive family felt so blessed to have been picked by us. I could see the longing in their eyes to be able to hold a child of their own. They had waited three years to be able to finally have a young one on their own and I knew they were the ones I wanted to raise my baby.

Giving birth to my daughter and feeling her warmth against my chest and her breath on my skin brought tears to my eyes. I could not believe I even thought of abortion. I am so honored to have been able to give a family such an amazing gift.

Doing adoption made me realize that babies change a life for the better. Yes, you are judged, some might not support you, and it is the hardest thing you might ever do – but the feeling of giving someone something they cannot have on their own is priceless. I cannot express how much good it does in your life. Your outlook on life changes totally.

It was after I put my child up for adoption that I became pro-life. It is simply not fair to take a baby’s life when you have the opportunity to give your baby to a family who is desperately looking to love a child of their own.

I knew I made the right decision when I got to witness the adoptive mom as she laid her eyes on her daughter for the very first time. She cried tears of love and bliss: it profoundly touched me. The mom gave me a necklace of our baby’s birthstone so I will forever have a daily reminder of her. Our daughter also has my birthstone so she will always know who I am and have that bond with me.

I became pro-life immediately after giving birth to my little miracle. Ava Elizabeth was born at 5:39 am, on November 29, 2012, to the loving arms of Kyle and Marie. I believe unborn children should have the opportunity to live and experience life. I am a living testimony, and I am proud to share my story.

de Brittany Rotz

Read the whole story on stiripentruviata.ro

Photo: Dreamstime


Adoption During Pregnancy. The British and Australian Practice


Countries like Australia or the US have a so-called “open adoption” law, which allows starting the adoption process during pregnancy. It has proved an excellent solution for all parties involved. We present you some excerpts from the leaflet Considering adoption for your child, made by Western Australia’s Fostering and Adoption Services Department. The leaflet targets pregnant mothers who are considering giving their unborn child for adoption. The leaflet is adapted after another material, Pregnant and thinking about adoption?, published by the British Association for Adoption and Fostering in 2009.

·         Social workers will explain to the natural parents what adoption means and what their rights are, without putting pressure on them to make a decision either way.

·    The mother can raise her child herself, with support of the other parent and/or extended family (the child’s grandfathers etc)

·     The child can be placed in foster care for a short period, while the mother considers her options or the family reunites. The parents can take the child back after they prove they have a stable home.

·       The Australian Adoption Act 1994 allows the mother a long period of time to think.

·    It is illegal to make private arrangements to have your child cared for by someone else if this may lead to an adoption. The penalties are $25,000 fine and a two year term of imprisonment.


The mother decides the degree of privacy about her child. She decides who to tell about the birth the baby. She decides whether to tell her parents or to the other relatives the truth about the baby, in case the child will later want to know his natural family.

Temporary foster care

The child may be placed with a foster carer while the mother decides what to do. Mothers are encouraged to visit the child. Sometimes they are reluctant to do it. Staff are happy to discuss the reasons and will not place any pressure on the mother.

The other parent’s rights

Both parents have equal parental rights and legal responsibility for the child. Both must give their written consent for adoption. Sometimes it is not possible and a dispensation may be obtained from the Family Court.

How much time you have in order to think about adoption

After signing the papers, there is a 28-day ‘revocation period’. It starts when the Director General of the Department for Child Protection acknowledges all parties’ consent, and the consent. The mother can still change her mind during these days.

How are the adoptive parents chosen?

The social worker will ask the mother about the important qualities she wants in the adoptive parents and the preferred lifestyle. A match will be made with this information and approved applicants waiting for an adoptable child. The would-be adoptive parents must have a clean police record, go through a detailed screening by the Child Protection Service and provide a medical report.

An assessment report is written and then presented to a committee of experts for evaluation.

The mother will receive 3–4 pre-approved profiles of families who want to adopt. The profiles will include information on each family’s qualities, lifestyle, religion and medical history etc.

Anonymous adoption, not the best solution

In the past it was thought that anonymity was the best for the child. But then it was realized that it distressed all parties involved. Lately, society’s attitude towards pregnancy outside marriage became more relaxed. Research has shown mothers who gave up their children for anonymous adoption suffered all their lives for not knowing what happened to them. Also, many adopted children want to know about their original family heritage.

Open adoption: natural parents can see their child afterwards

After 1995, in Australia, most parties to an adoption know each other. Adoptive parents must explain the situation to adopted child in a way that he can understand.

How all the parties keep in touch

An Adoption Plan is made, which is legally binding and sets out how often and what sort of information will be shared (letters, photographs, videos), by whom and how. It also states if and how often the natural parent can contact the child and the adoptive family. It outlines how meetings will be arranged and where. The plan can be changed by mutual agreement, but needs to be approved by the Family Court. There are heavy penalties for any breach of it.

Evaluation period before confirming the adoptive parents

When the child has been with the adoptive family for six months, they can apply for an Adoption Order from the Family Court. During the six months a worker visits the family to see how your child is settling in and offers advice and support. The worker will provide information to the Family Court, which will decide whether to grant an Adoption Order, which is definitive.

The child’s name

The child will take the last name of the adoptive parents. However, the child’s first name cannot be changed without permission from the Family Court.

Source: http://www.dcp.wa.gov.au/FosteringandAdoption/Documents/ConsideringAdoptionForYourChild.pdf


Begging for Love. Recollections of an Adopted Child



There’s no man who doesn’t hide in his heart an impressive collection of guilty deeds, pain, suffering, sadness, failure and frustration, hopelessness and disappointment. All of us have hidden them well. Fear, guilt, shame of our thoughts and deeds are buried deep inside the closet, where we are sure not to see them anymore. Then life rushes on us and, without even realizing, we become grumpy and dissatisfied with our life, with the people around, with ourselves. You make one mistake after another until you wake up and you’re already old and alone. Isn’t it, my sweet mother?…

I was a chance child. I never knew my father. He doesn’t even know I exist. I’d like to meet him, maybe I have other brothers and sisters whose names I don’t know and can’t say in my prayers. I’m the fruit of love at first sight, of a fleeting affair, the fruit of sin.

I won’t ever understand why I was such a burden for my mother… For years I longed for her embrace. I don’t want to judge her. Maybe she had her reasons, more or less justified. May the Mother of God protect her and grant her wisdom and time for salvation. But her isolation and the fact that she still doesn’t accept me and my sister hurt me.

All her attempts to abort me were in vain. Neither bitter drinks, nor beatings could chase me away from the warm shelter of her belly. I was stubborn enough to survive, to be born, to be a fighter.

Two weeks together with me were too much for her. She left me – a bundle of diapers – in the street. Sweet dear Mother Ana, bent by time and adversities, raised me, cared for me, put an “angel in my soul” and taught me to take the first steps and utter my first words. A stranger and yet a MOTHER whose embrace I’ll never forget!

After I turned three, foster homes, with good or bad, gave me home, food, education – and also jungle-like shivers, pain, fears crowded in my childish soul. And unnatural hell of loneliness.

We were making up prayers in dark dormitories and the Mother of God caressed us in our dreams, soothed our physical and soul pain, wiped away our gushing tears that erupted in the middle of the night. Imagine a home where at night dozens of children are weeping! For years I was haunted by the sobs rising from the souls deserted by their parents.

In school they pointed fingers on us (they called us “the foster kids“), we were offended, derided, humiliated, torn apart by sharp words. We were outcasts… In our prayers we only asked for parents, not for toys. We begged for a smile. We were begging for love!

I was nine when I first learned how to smile. It was on the Feast of the Resurrection that. I met my future parents. George and Maria were simple people, modest, maybe even a bit severe, but this was good for me. They knew how to plant in me righteousness, humanity, responsibility, faith in God and especially love.

Adoption was made a few months later with the acceptance of my natural mother. I was hurt by the ease with which she gave me away as if I were an old dress, but I’ll never forget the joy and happiness my new parents were showing.

I give thanks to good God for everything He gave me, for the second chance of adoption, for my three mothers (the one who gave me life and the two who raised me), for a wonderful father. I lovingly carry his memory in my soul, now that he has moved to the Lord after a soul-saving fight with unforgiving cancer. I am closely surrounded by hundreds of children at school, where I teach. God found me worthy of giving birth to four wonderful children – three boys and a girl – and of a loving husband. The joy of motherhood, the accomplishment of having a family cannot be compared with anything. I live modestly, but I feel so much richer next to them!…




by A.S.P., Bistriţa-Năsăud

Photo: Courtesy of the author


The Girl from My Dream. How I Adopted Two Children


Somebody asked me to write a few words about adopting children, in order to encourage this immensely good deed. Why should I write about it? Because I did it. Twice, not just once! Why to adopt a child? To do a noble thing, to do good, out of mercy, out of civic responsibility?… No! For love! Only for love!

Who doesn’t love children, who is not able to give love, who cannot sacrifice himself for others, who cannot forget about oneself should not adopt a child! Bu whoever knows he can do all that should go to a big foster care center and God will guide his steps to the child destined to fill his life. It’s not you who chose the child, it’s the child who choses you!

And, from the very first moment, as soon as you’ve taken the child into your arms, you will know this child will be your reason to live. It’s hard to explain what you feel at that moment! I’ve been twice through this, but it’s so deep that words are powerless.

Our first child was a new-born little girl. Two weeks before, God had showed me a sign that she would enter my life. I dreamt of her! I dreamt I was at the maternity, I had an easy delivery and I was standing between two lady-doctors with a beautiful little girl in my arms. I woke up laughing and told my husband what I had dreamt.

Then, in two weeks’ time, they called me to the city maternity, where six babies had been abandoned by their mothers after birth. Five boys and a girl! And, in three days’ time, that beautiful girl was in our home: a birthday present for me, a name-day gift, a gift for our wedding anniversary. Whoever doesn’t believe in destiny should start believing right now!

For 21 years now, this miracle is our life, our destiny and reason to live! She’s beautiful, smart, gifted, because her steps were accompanied by our immense love, our immense care, by our permanent presence and support. And each moment she gave us in our life is a treasure!

Two years after our first adoption, visiting a children’s home on Christmas, with gifts and sweets, God guided my eyes towards a four-year old little boy. When the little girl next to him asked me for more cake, he gave her his plate.

This changed his destiny. And ours. He also entered our life and never left. He’s our boy forever. God made smooth our path to adopt them and God has always helped us to be their parents!

We were lucky. Our life was fulfilled through our children’s presence. Nothing is harder in life than being a parent! There’s so much fear, so much concern, so many obstacles. But it’s wonderful. There are also so many satisfactions, so much accomplishment and so much love! It’s a pity to go through life and don’t experience that…

And there are so many children for whom life hasn’t been a winning ticket and who can barely wait to fulfil somebody’s life! And so many people who have love to give but they are afraid or don’t know the way to the open arms of children waiting to be held and snuggled!

If you have your mind, your heart, your soul full of love to be given to a child, let yourselves guided by God do that! Adopting a child does not only mean changing an unhappy destiny, it also means fulfilling one’s life. God helped us. Your life on Earth is just as meaningful. Taking this step is really worth it. And nobody’s children deserve such a chance!


by Ioana Vladimir, Bucharest

(The name was changed to protect identity)

Photo: Shutterstock


Did You Know They Were Adopted?

For those who still believe an adopted child is bound to fail, here is a revealing list of first-rate personalities.


Steve Jobs, co-founder of Apple, never met his natural father, because he had been put up for adoption as soon as he was born, in 1955, when abortion was illegal in the US. His parents could not get married because his father was a Syrian Muslim and his mother’s parents opposed.


Bill Clinton, ex-president of the United States, was raised by his grandparents in his first years of life, because his father had died before he was born.


Justinian the Great, Byzantine emperor of Thracian-Roman origin, was adopted by his uncle, the future emperor Justin I.


Nelson Mandela, ex-president of South Africa, whose father died when he was nine, was unofficially adopted by a local tribal chief.


Nancy Reagan, former American First Lady, was adopted by her uncle and aunt after her parents divorced.


Michael Reagan was adopted soon after birth by US President Ronald Reagan and his first wife.


Eleanor Roosevelt was raised by her maternal grandmother after her mother and brother died of diphtheria.


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